Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
