can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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