Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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