i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
