God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
