Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
