yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
