my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
