Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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