hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
