every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize