I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
