Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
