I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize