YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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