I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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