just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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