Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
