i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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