Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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