haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
