I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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