she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
