smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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