I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
do herpes really smell.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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