i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
