they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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