...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
