I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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