he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
