when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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