News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
