I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize