The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
