Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
