Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
