we have officially lost it.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
