True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize