my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
