I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
