i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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