How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
