Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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