There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize