I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
