Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Floor bacon is actually really good
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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