i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
