Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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