i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize