hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
