I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
