I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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