I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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