Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
