I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
