Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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