I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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