the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
