Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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