Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
