I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
