where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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