i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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