The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
