we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize