i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
