Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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