it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
