I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
