Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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