I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
