We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
