Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am available for nakedness
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
