Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
