I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
