my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also, beer. Big fan.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
