this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
