Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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