Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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