Its about making memories worth repressing
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
