If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
