Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
