New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
