help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
