Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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