I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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