Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
