If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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