I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
