I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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