I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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