i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
